Browsing Adoption is a regular feature.?Please?contact us?to share links that you have found?inspiring,?important, interesting, or helpful.
Some children who were adopted were conceived as a result of rape. Adoption Voices magazine recently published two pieces that address this difficult part of a child's story. The first, written by Sharon Roszia, is for parents. She explains why children need to know the truth about their beginnings, and offers tips to parents on talking to their children and on separating the act from the person.
If adoption is the plan, the child?s conception story can become a difficult story that the adoptive parents may not share with their child for fear of hurting the child. By avoiding this truth, shame, fear and distrust can grow in the child; the child rarely is unaware that there is something about their conception that is so horrible their parents can?t say the words. When told the whole story, many adopted people feel relieved to finally know the truth. The horror they carried in their brain is rarely supported by the truth.
We inherit and learn things from our parents. We also make our own choices. Personality (who we are) and behavior (what we do) are shaped by many different factors. I do not know why my biological father did what he did. I do not know why he was such an incredibly selfish human being. But I am not him. I inherited his Irish and German roots. I inherited my creativity in part from his mother, who was a hairdresser. But I did not inherit his bad behavior, his selfishness, or his disregard for the other people in his life. I do not feel sorry for myself because my narrative has this very negative element to it. I do not feel bad about myself because of what he did. It is what it is.
The Bun
Hair care seems an ever present topic for white families who adopt black children. In this Adoptive Families Magazine article, one mother shares her experience with the unrealistic hair expectations from her daughter's ballet studio and how she dealt with them.
I felt caught in the middle. In every ballet I have ever seen, the dancers have worn their hair in buns, so I understood the requirement. But I couldn't figure out how to accomplish this hairstyle on my daughter's head. I had two choices: to find a way to create this bun and abide by the rules, or to reach out to the director and be an agent of change.
Racism
This heartbreaking blog post brought tears to my eyes. A mother describes instances of prejudice in her young daughter's life.
What are you doing in your home to raise children free of racial prejudice?Story time, our first encounter. The teacher told everyone to get in a circle.
All held hands. Except the little girl next to my daughter.
She refused.
With looks of disgust.
When another insisted. The mother declared....
"She doesn't have to hold her hand if she doesn't want to."
And the uncomfortable silence pierced the room....to let everyone know....
Racism still exists.
Resources for Birth Parents
This blog post by a birth mother written for birth mothers and expectant mothers considering adoption caught our eye this week. ?In it, she thoughtfully acknowledges the process that women will go through before and after a placement, and how they can find help along the way.
Start a local support group. Unfortunately there?s online support, but not many in-person support groups. There?s a small list on the BirthMom Buds blog, but it?s solely lacking. If you do start a support group that even meets semi-regularly, I?m certain BirthMom Buds would love to know and spread the word about your group. It doesn?t matter how big or small your group. It can be you and one other birth mom. If you spend time together supporting each other, that?s what defines a support group. I?m fortunate enough to have access to a group through a local LDS Family Services office (though I didn?t relinquish through them and I?m not LDS, they?ve been welcoming). Until recently we would just get together and talk randomly about whatever was on the minds and hearts of the people there that particular evening.Another of her tips is to reach out and find other birth moms. We would suggest getting involved in FSA as one way to accomplish this. The more birth parents get involved, the better FSA becomes!
Privacy
We found this post written by an adoptive mother to be thought-provoking. How much about our children's histories and adoptions do we share? What is private?
A few years ago, I got to hear adoption author/expert Patricia Irwin Johnston speak on the concept of privacy in adoption. Privacy isn't the same as secrecy, she said. Privacy means keeping something that is special for yourself, and sharing it when, where, and with whom you feel comfortable and close. Secrecy is quite different, for it means something that is kept hidden, usually with shame attached. She encouraged those of us in the audience to preserve the privacy of our children, to let them keep control over the sharing of their life stories. I thought it was good advice, and have tried to help my three children develop a healthy sense of privacy.
Hospitals and Adoption
NCFA published a great article about educating hospital staff about adoption so they can better support parents making an adoption plan and welcome adoptive parents.
Helping parents considering adoption to feel safe, respected, and empowered throughout their child?s birth and their hospital stay is consistent with the high quality of service, professional ethics, and patient-focused values that good hospitals, clinics, and healthcare workers endeavor to provide. An adoption-friendly hospital environment benefits all involved in the adoption process, and is especially important for parents considering an adoption plan.We know that some of our own FSA members have been involved in educating local hospitals on adoption. Have you? We would love to hear about your experiences, and any tips you might have to help other FSA chapters educate hospital staff in their areas.
Need A Calendar?
Hannah, a little girl adopted from foster care is doing her part to help the children left behind find forever families, too.
A photography studio, Captured by Cayla, donated its time, taking pictures of children who had gone through the foster system and designing a calendar to help Hannah raise awareness.?
Hannah then went to dozens of businesses raising $3,400 in sponsorship to print the calendars. Now she's selling them for $15.
Half of the proceeds will go towards foster care services, such Christmas gifts for children in foster care, clothing closets, and a children's home. If you are in Georgia, you can purchase the calendar at?Benson's Grill or New Seasons Church in Hiram, or California Park in Dallas, GA. For those not in the area, we can purchase a calendar by sending an email to HopeFromHannah2012@yahoo.com.
Source: http://familiessupportingadoption.blogspot.com/2012/10/browsing-adoption.html
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